Acronymaphobia (ACNP)

By Kevin Duling

On my way through town, I thought I would stop by the FSA to see what the PCP was, in case I qualified for an LDP. Turns out there were problems with my CREP and CRP contracts with the NRCS and I now may be in trouble with the CCB. The good news is that I may qualify for an FSFL.

The district manager of FSA informed me that my part of the county may soon qualify for CSP, but we will have to wait because of the ratio of NHEL to HEL. He also noted that next time I sign up for a CCC loan I should use a 697 form in the event of a price drop at the CBOT.

With the current basis between Portland and CBOT, our DCP is turning out to be a joke. He recommended a higher level of CRC coverage to insure better margins on our bottom line for our LLC. We will have to speak to our CPA.

The Fed will meet next week to determine if the GNP is in line with the GDP which may have an effect on our FSFL. The result will be witnessed by watching the DOW or the NASDAQ.

After meeting with the district manager of FSA, another farmer and I decided to grab lunch. We discussed how government is trying to get our private farms to operate like the government. They want us to have similar piles of paperwork, similar safety standards, and many other things leading to increased efficiency.

Realizing I didn’t have many choices but to conform to government regulations, I decided I would start by communicating like the government. This would involve developing acronyms around the farm to decrease communications.

After practicing, it has become easy and like a second language. For example, “Take the TW (trap wagon) out to the W (west) field and fill both tractors with #2HSD (#2 high sulfur diesel), then take T3 (tractor #3) with the ST (springtooth) and work up the N (North) field.”

Like anything new, this system does have some drawbacks. The other day, using our handy cell phones, I received a call from my brother. With his voice fading in and out because of bad cell coverage in our area, he said “K, I need CPR because I’m on the RR and try to contact DEQ.”

That was a serious call. I rushed his direction fearing the worst. For some reason, there had to be a bad accident involving the railroad and my brother needing CPR. The train must have wrecked spilling something bad. Why else would I have to contact DEQ?

After spending 3 hours looking for a train wreck and my brother, I decided to try his house. He was home and just fine. I asked him what that phone call was all about. He said he just needed the car to get to the restroom and I should try not to contact the flu. Our new communication system needs a little work.

After lunch, I needed to stop by the DMV to sign up for a CDL endorsement on my ODL. At the DMV I ran into a friend of mine who works for ODOT and he informed me that OSHA will be out checking on farmers who have employees. Thank goodness we all work for the LLC as managers.

With all these thoughts in my mind, I unfortunately didn’t notice I was doing 75 mph in a 55 until I passed an OSP, who promptly stopped me and asked to see my ODL along with my POI.

Kevin Duling’s stories can be found on the Capital Press Blog every Friday. Duling is a wheat farmer and freelance writer residing in Maupin, Ore. Feedback is welcomed at kevinddul@aol.com.

Copyright July 2007.

Plumb out of luck

By Kevin Duling

I know many city dwellers who marvel at my 1917 farmhouse and tell me their ideas on how they would restore and add to it. My house has a water tower next to it. Thirty-five feet above the ground encased in a large wood structure sits a redwood tub capable of holding 3,000 gallons of water.

Before the well went in, a one mile stretch of pipe with a gas pump was used to fill this giant tub, giving the entire house pressurized running water — no doubt the cat’s meow back in the day. Today, the spoiled brat now occupying the house is having a little trouble with the plumbing.
In the world of plumbing there are three countries: the country of drainage, the country of water supply, and lastly, the country of “You’ve got to be kidding me!” Most of the plumbing in my house falls into the latter.

Plumbing needs a prerequisite of only a second grade education. Bring water in through one pipe, take water out through another. I’m not sure what they taught second graders in 1917, but they were much more advanced than today.

For example, I was under the house a while ago trying to determine which pipe was hot water and which one was cold in order to stop a leak in the shower. I discovered there were no pipes at all in the area underneath the bathroom. I suppose the rattlesnake and the black widow may have impacted my rate of travel while on my belly under the house, but I had many minutes of surveillance time while I was stuck under the furnace duct.

I did finally find one pipe under the house in the area I hoped was under the bathroom. It was routed through a concrete wall, and then angled down into the ground with the end of it unknown to mankind. I decided I would leave it alone.

You are probably asking, “Why were you under the house trying to fix a leak in the shower?” Keep in mind most of my house falls into the “You’ve got to be kidding me” country of plumbing. Like I said, those weren’t your average second-graders back in 1917.

I am amazed how a five-minute shower leak can take two full weeks of time, plus $400. I’m a little mad about the $400 because the total necessary for the repair was 25 cents. The most discouraging thing was the plumbing store salesman noting, “That’s interesting, I’ve never seen one like this. Did you purchase this overseas?”

Having graduated from a four-year college, I figured I could outdo a second-grader and make this shower leak project easy if it happens again. Access shouldn’t be a problem next time, considering all I have to do is go into the closet and remove the 4x8 sheet of plywood. I’ve also included an escape hatch I can open from under the house in case I’m pursued by a rattlesnake or a big black spider.

I sometimes day dream of having all my plumbing updated with plastic pipes and modern faucets, but my city-dweller friends all tell me to leave this house in its rustic state. They say modern improvements would only dampen their enthusiasm of visiting the ranch. For some reason these friends never seem to call back when I ask for help on these rustic projects.
Apparently, when I was underneath my house stuck under the furnace duct, I must have damaged it, as cold air is flooding through my vent. I can’t imagine furnace projects being any tougher then plumbing. I’m sure it’s at the second grade level too. The air just goes in one hole and out another, right?

Kevin Duling is a wheat farmer and freelance writer from Maupin, Ore. Any comments would be greatly appreciated at kevinddul@aol.com.

© Copyright 2007 by Kevin Duling

Moving forward offers chance to look back

Where were you on April 12, 1995?

I couldn't have answered that question until yesterday. Oh sure, I could have told you were I was living and working at the time, but what I was doing on that day? Not a chance. I have trouble remembering what I did last week. But yesterday I got a reminder of just exactly where I was and what I was doing on that date.

I was wearing body armor and a Kevlar helmet and watching the U.S. Army shoot off their big guns in the Mojave Desert.

I got the reminder thanks to a new tool that we will soon be utilizing here at Capital Press. The Capital Press has joined the Associated Press news cooperative and will have access to more AP stories and photographs. We've already started utilizing the story access for updating our website and getting more timely information into our print edition. Today we got the photo service fully operational. And it's that photo service that reminded me of where I was 12 years ago on that April day.

I was playing around with the search tool we will use to access the AP photo database, plugging in different search terms like agriculture and farming and ranching and looking for various types of livestock. That worked pretty well, so I kept playing. The database is also searchable by things like the name of the photographer too. So I did some searches using the names of friends and colleagues I've worked with over the years at various newspapers. I was, once upon a time, even paid to take photographs for newspaper and have had some photos make the AP wires over the years. So I did a search for my own name, not expecting to find anything, but one image did pop up.

The picture was one I took back in my first month as photo editor of a paper called the Daily Press in Victoville, Calif. I went to the U.S. Army's National Training Center at Fort Irwin, Calif., outside of Barstow in the Mojave Desert. Defense Secretary William J. Perry was Rep. Jerry Lewis flew into the base on Army helicopters to see part of the live fire exercises going on out in the middle of the desert.
I had forgotten all about covering that event. And I had no memory of the photo being picked up by Associated Press. But here, a thousand miles and a dozen years later, seeing that photo brought back vivid memories of the weapons fire, and the helicopters flying in for the dog-and-pony show with the Secretary of Defense, complete with live ammunition.

We will be using Associated Press photos and stories to augment the Capital Press coverage of agriculture news by our staff members and stable of freelance writers around the West. And perhaps, as AP members, some of our stories and photos may get distributed over the AP network to other media outlets on some occasions.

It's a big day for us here at the Capital Press becoming part of the AP network, all with the goal of providing our readers faster and more comprehensive access to agriculture news. A big day in deed. One worth remembering.

Someone should take a picture to remember it by.

July 4th a blast — literally

The newspapers this morning had several stories about how busy firemen were yesterday extinguishing fires started by fireworks.

It’s not a big surprise. For several days, night and day, fireworks have been blasting off all over the city here.

The air is smoky, and dogs have been barking. While the city had a law banning a lot of fireworks — anything that goes more than 6 feet along the ground or more than a foot in the air — it was obvious that the majority of people ignored that. It appears the majority of the fireworks went beyond those restrictions.

Driving along some streets last night involved taking a few detours: a lot of streets had piles of fireworks lined up in the center of them, and people gathered in streets and front lawns to enjoy the noise, light and adrenalin rush of blowing things up.

The spectators ranged from grandmothers in lawn chairs to young kids excitedly running around while the fireworks blasted. One of the things that stood out was how much this is a family celebration, and an intergenerational event. Instead of trying to fight traffic and crowds at the location of official celebrations, a lot of people gather with friends, relatives and neighbors and enjoy their own traditions.

Of course, such traditions can get a bit pricey. A Portland radio station last week shared the story about how one guy spent his whole $900 paycheck on fireworks. He thought this would impress his wife and friends. His friends, yes. His wife, no. She was especially not impressed when they learned that there are no refunds on fireworks after she marched him back to the place he bought them.

While that might bring a chuckle to people, sadly there are dangers that come with fireworks. The newspapers in Oregon today have a story about a four-year-old who died after getting into a closet that had stored fireworks in anticipation of that family’s celebration of July 4: the child, early in the morning, entered the closet alone and somehow lit the fireworks. According to firefighters, the fireworks were still going off when they arrived — too late — to save the child’s life.

And then there are the fires. Firemen talked about how many fires they’ve had to put out, especially in such dry, hot conditions here.

I still find it incredible how many fireworks are purchased and blasted here, for a couple of reasons.

When I was growing up on a farm, fireworks were a very rare, precious sight. They were costly, and it would be considered frivolous to spend money on that when it could be used to purchase farm parts or other input costs.

When my grandfather turned 90, I remember we bought sparklers to put on his cake and we still thought that was a bit excessive.

Secondly, we received less than a dozen inches of precipitation per year, and knew how quickly grassfires could spread. It wasn’t easy to round up precious water — or neighbors — to put out a fire quickly when you’re on the prairies and neighbors live far apart. It’s one thing when a combine sets a field on fire during harvest time. Everyone drops everything and rushes out to help. It’s quite another when someone’s kid set the pasture on fire with fireworks. People still put out the fire, but there will be a lot of grumbling about irresponsibility.

So instead we appreciated the rare times we did see fireworks: those rare times when we traveled 45 to 90 miles to the nearest cities for some special occasion and saw fireworks at the end of the day.

To us, that was a bigger blast than the week of fireworks that has been shooting off here every night.

Technorati tags: Agriculture

How much fruit do you eat each day?

From farm fruit stands, to farmers’ markets, to supermarkets, fresh local fruit is available for sale here in the West.

If you’re from another part of the country, you don’t know what you’re missing: Being so close here to some of these fruit producers, once you bite into some of the juicy, sweet peaches, apricots, nectarines, cherries, blueberries, watermelons and other fruit, you won’t ever want to eat another one of those dry, pulpy fruits that occasionally shows up at the stores in the Plains or Midwest. You might think twice about trying some of those fruits from foreign countries that help supply your shopping cart in the off-season.

The same with vegetables: the closer you can get to the people who produce the food, the fresher the vegetables and tastier they are.

However, how many of us really stop to enjoy the fresh fruits and vegetables as much as we should?

NWCN, the cable television network here in the Pacific Northwest, aired today a story by reporter Tim Robinson from Seattle. He questioned a few members of the public about how many servings of fruits and vegetables they ate per day.

Some answered five, some said two: Some obviously searched to say whatever answer they felt he might want and that sounded right.

But perhaps better questions would have been: what do you eat? What do you consider a serving? What size and amounts of servings are right for you?

Robinson interviewed University of Washington dietician Susan Adams about servings. She noted that people should eat 5-13 servings of fruits and vegetables per day. Why the range? It depends on the size of the person. Larger people should consume more servings. She also explained that not all fruit are the same serving size. For example, a large banana might actually be two servings. How big a salad might be will also affect serving size. A glass of juice might have more sugar than fruit content.

Adams shared a valuable rule to follow when figuring out how big or small a serving is: a serving is about the size of a fist. So, for example, a fistful of lettuce would count as a serving. Fruit about the size of a fist — such as an apple — will also serve as a serving.

As the television announcers joked, it’s no longer an apple a day that might keep you healthy — try five apples. Of course, the apple growers would love that.

During this time of year, when a lot of fruits and vegetables are being harvested, this is an ideal time for farmers to encourage the public to consume more of the products.

It’s good business, but it’s also great health advice.

Technorati tags: Agriculture

Woman gets ticket for steer's “excessive cow mooing”

Wallee the steer has earned his owner a possible $1,000 ticket for mooing at night — and disturbing her neighbor. (WCCO TV picture)


Occasionally conflicts emerge between neighbors in the countryside when someone doesn’t like the sights, sounds or smells of animal production that occurs nearby.

Farmers and ranchers have been frustrated as they try to settle the concerns of their neighbors but still continue to do what they wish with their land.

Near Hugo, Minn., the conflict went up a notch: Karyl Hylle received a ticket for “excessive cow mooing” from her two-year-old, 900-lb Jersey steer named Wallee and faces a $1,000 fine and could go to jail. It was a neighbor who had filed the nuisance complaint.

To a television reporter from WCCO TV, the neighbor complained how he hasn’t been able to sleep for the past seven months because of the mooing at night.

"It's a deep, loud moo. It sounds like a fog horn," he told reporter James Schugel, who identified the complainer as only Mark.

“The Hugo City Prosecutor says he just wants to resolve this case as quickly as he can. He really doesn't want to prosecute it. He just wants to find some common ground between the neighbors, that they can agree on,” reported WCCO. This includes Hylle moving her steer’s pen further from the neighbor’s place.

While the television crew did the story in a lighter context, noting for example that the steer didn’t moo the whole hour-and-a-half that they visited the place and perhaps it was “camera shy,” this is a serious and sad reflection of what is happening in this country.

Hylle has a legal right in her area to have not only this steer, but more cattle if she wished. The community is quite rural, with pastures around the houses.

Unfortunately, that is what people from the city desire: a nice rural countryside home, but without the realities of what is raised on the farms.

Hylle might be working to resolve the matter with her neighbor, but what’s to stop other people from following Mark’s lead and demanding tickets for nuisance be given to more farmers and ranchers who might be on the fighting fringe areas separating rural and urban lifestyles?

Hopefully other farmers will help support Hylle and ensure this nonsense ends before it sets a serious precedent.

(To see the original story as well as the TV interview with the two neighbors, click here.)



Technorati tags: Agriculture